I cockslap morals
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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