he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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