If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
