Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
