Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
