update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
