he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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