at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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