did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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