I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
