I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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