I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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