What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
