Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
