I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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