there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
