Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Randomize
