Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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