i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
