I didn't shave. On purpose
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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