I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
