she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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