Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.