God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage