I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
