Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
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my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
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i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.