So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do