I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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