Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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