Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
