Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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