I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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