dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
