I showed him my bush... on skype.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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