I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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