I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
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Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
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I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
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