I wish I could teleport
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
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Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.