Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.