I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
