I wish I could teleport
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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