you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?