There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
lol hangovers are for mortals.