U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
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it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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