last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
So squirting runs in the family.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
