Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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