I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
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Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.