I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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