you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
