Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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