just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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