so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
