On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
