I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Alive.
So much puke
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
