those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
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