how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
