We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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