took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
