remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
