Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
