I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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