he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
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If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
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On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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