$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
