You're my little dorito
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
