I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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