If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
