Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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