So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
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The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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