Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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