i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
