I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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