Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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