This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Randomize
