Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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