he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize