If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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