So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
