theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
