Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Randomize
