we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
