If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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