omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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