Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
