you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
