I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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