I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
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She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
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Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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