my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
