u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
