4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
