the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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