Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
