so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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