dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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