peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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