Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
If I die, sorry about rent.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
