I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
