i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
